Do you really love?

A few weeks ago at our Sunday night church service we had an evening reflecting on the fruits of the Spirit (Galations 5:22). The section spent reflecting on 'love' was introduced with the question of "Do you really love?" and these slips of paper were around. At the end of the service I grabbed a handful, intent on remembering this, and went home, wheels turning. (I love when you leave church with the wheels of your heart and mind turning, don't you?)

When I was on the rowing team in high school I had a time I wanted to meet for a distance sprint on the ergs. I posted it by the door in my bedroom and used to smack it every time I walked out of my room. (it wasn't until my mid-twenties that I finally met that time, btw) The person who introduced love on Sunday night had an event in her life (a trip to Sierra Leone) that prompted her to post a note by her door asking her if she really loved. I re-introduced myself to that idea by covering the fusebox by our front door with these reminders.

There is a reason this theme of love spoke especially loud to me. Some of you have noted the improvements we're making on the home front and asking if we've decided to stay in this apartment. The answer is yes. But why, if we've been so frustrated? 1) what we want costs more than we can really afford right now 2) what we want usually means we'd have to move far enough out of town to need at least one car, which adds to the 'what we can't afford now' element and 3) our current location is so sweet, we hate to give that up to move out of town.

In the face of these stark realities I've also realized something else: I have really been getting so angry and just 'dark' about the neighbors, the landlord, and so forth. That's not really me. Even my mother said she'd never heard me say I really hated a place I've ever lived, and I was using that word, a lot. So there was something to evaluate about that, too. As I noticed this about myself, I remembered how we're supposed to love our neighbors....and noted that I literally had a problem doing this. I'd usually rolled with stuff before, but all of this was really eating at me.

"'Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD." Leviticus 19:18

So. I've been thinking about this, praying about it, stir that together with the fact that an escape (ie, move out) isn't going to happen any time soon, and really, you have to deal with this! Stefan has felt the same, although not as strongly as I have. So we think we need to stay here for now, work on our attitudes, work on developing our relationships with our neighbors, and see what happens.

Here's what's happened since this revelation:
1) Both upstairs and downstairs neighbors have finally agreed to have a schedule with posted turns for taking out the trash, cutting the lawn, and caring for the sidewalk.This was accomplished with low key conversations, no pressure. Nobody really cares about keeping the common stairwell clean, so we're hoping for some change on that, but we're still excited about the other stuff.

2) The loudest guitar-playing neighbor moved to Berlin last week to start a medical degree.

3) One of the downstairs neighbors offered to help me shovel the snow last week, even though he'd done it last time. We even had a nice chat during the process.

4) The landlord came by when I was cutting flowers out front a couple of weeks ago and was pleased to hear of Stefan's and my plan for the 'yard work day' we're hoping to do on the first available sunny Saturday. I was also able to tell him about the noise in the stairwell and think it was actually handled well.

5) Stefan had a good conversation with the primary offenders in the noisy-stairwell problem and I haven't heard major noise since then. (still working on them slamming the house door...)

6) The hip-hop teenager on the other side has been really good about keeping the tunes at a low volume. For the most part. There have been a few loud afternoons, but we still think the improvement is fantastic. I ran into her on the slushy sidewalk on Monday and I asked her if school was canceled (she was walking home) - we had a nice chat and she gave me this shocked look when I held my umbrella over her - as though she didn't expect me to be nice to her, even though the poor kid wasn't wearing a proper coat and was soaking wet with snow. Not that I was trying to shame her into continuing to keep the music down, but with the look on her face, the shy and grateful smile that followed, and the wave when she left, I think that may have happened. You never know.

We're staying. The house isn't perfect, but we're not either. We're trying to work on the house and on ourselves. Some days are better than others, but passing this many times a day is currently aiding in keeping our hearts and minds set on things above and not on earthly things.

Mark 12:28-31

1 Corinthians 13: 1-13